Welcome to the New Clattermouth

I haven't been this excited since someone cancelled on me at the last second.

I started Clattermouth to share my personal and hilarious (according to people other than me) insights into my life and work as a writer. And now I’ve decided to expand it into several different sections because apparently that’s something I can do on Substack. Put succinctly, this whole thing is about living a creative and adventurous life, and learning to be unapologetically yourself.

But if you’re looking for gurulike proclamations about how to master every aspect of your life, including that disconcerting thing your hair is doing these days, you’re in the wrong place. The only things we’ll be crushing around here are all these espresso cans on my kitchen counter, and let’s be honest, we’re probably not gonna do that either. Your hair looks fine by the way. Don’t worry about it.

What you’ll actually find here are my candid takes on accepting who you are, making things that matter, and not punishing yourself for being imperfect. Perfect people are the worst and literally nobody likes them, so you can go ahead and cross that one off the old to-do list.

Here’s the lowdown on the different sections:

ROGUE is about life as a rule-breaker and misfit.

I was nearly kicked out of school, actually kicked out of college, and fired more than once. Should I admit all that publicly? Probably not, but it’s not like anyone can stop me. Not even myself. Point is, some of us just don’t fit into the slots people try to jam us into. Nobody ever expected much from me, and yet here I am, running my own business and eating cake for breakfast. No one’s gonna stop me doing that either. How about you?

Includes things like:

• Stories and misadventures from my own life

• Explorations into unconventional choices

• What it means to be who you really are

• How to stop caring about crap that doesn’t matter

• How to be more confident and less apologetic

• Why I was fired? Maybe I’ll tell you some day

‘I love your intolerance for all things bullshit. Thanks for being alive and dishing out your good shit. Fan for life.’ – Suzanne

VOX is about work as a writer and creator.

Making stuff is hard. Making stuff you don’t hate is even harder. Putting stuff you make out into the world where anyone can see it is the final boss. And not letting criticism destroy you is the hidden superboss you can only unlock after 54 sidequests. Did I go too hard on that analogy? Whoops. My dorkness reveals itself unduly early. Anyway. Making stuff is hard but worth it. Let’s discuss.

Includes things like:

• My own successes and failures as a writer

• Creative experiments and challenges

• Practical advice on how to write better

• Deep dives into why we do what we do

• How to find and hone your artistic voice

• How to make your mind (and desk) a more fun place to be

‘I’m trying too hard to sound cool in this email because holy shit, you are just so cool. Your advice is the most realistic, empathetic, actionable and actually hilarious stuff.’ – Ada

GLITCH is my junk drawer of inspiration.

God, wouldn’t life be boring if art didn’t exist? What would you even do in your free time? What would you talk about with your friends? How would you assert your superiority over people who think Demon Slayer is good? The things we consume affect the things we create, and this is where I digest and examine my own brainfood. Did I make that sound weird? Well, I’m just getting started. Coming?

Includes things like:

• Unnecessarily deep thoughts about nerdy pop culture

• Analyses and critiques of media I like and don’t like

• Incendiary takes on zeitgeisty phenomena

• Reviews of crap from 12 years ago

• Reviews of crap from 12 hours ago

• Long lists of things I think are cool

‘You’re flippant, funny, and totally awesome.’ – Amy

AFTER DARK is where we chill out and catch up.

Late at night, my inhibitions vacate the premises and I share intimate slices of my life, like what I’ve been up to, stuff I’ve been working on, and things I’ve been mulling over, plus some cool shit to check out. Put your phone on dark mode, turn up the synthwave, and let’s hang out. (For paid subscribers only.)

‘You talk to me like a friend, not a high and mighty perfect expert, and I look forward to reading about what you’ve been up to, the good and the bad.’ – Anon

Paid subscriptions are now open!

Clattermouth is a mixture of lighter public content, and deeper, more personal stuff for paying subscribers. If you part with some cash, you’ll get access to, well, all of it. That’s generally how this works.

There’s no strategy to what goes out when (whaddaya think I am, some kinda marketing expert?) but usually something will go out somewhere at least a couple of times a week. You can choose which publications you want to get sent directly to your inbox in your account.

Paid subscribers will also get early access to my courses with limited seats. Which is handy, since I’ll be releasing my first new course in 5 years later this week. It’s about how to write things people actually want to read, but that’s all I’ll say for now.

If you want to sign up for a paid subscription, here’s a convenient button:

Take care and eat your greens,
Kaz