‘It’s no fairytales and other crap about how beautiful and easy everything is.’
Hey. I’m Kaz Marston, and I’ve never wanted what I was supposed to want. Instead of living in suburbia, starting a career, and having kids, I moved to the city, became a freelance writer, and bullied children in my spare time.
No, no. That last part was a joke. Unless not letting my 8-year-old niece win racing minigames counts as bullying. What I meant to say was, I indulged in the delights of having seventeen coffee shops and a direct line to the airport right outside my door. I also flailed around a lot and wondered what the hell I did want, if not the path laid out before me.
Eventually I realised all I really need to be content is to write about stuff that interests me, experience exciting new things from time to time, and make enough money to buy the latest Final Fantasy game on release day and keep my fridge stocked with almond milk. You know, the kind with only three ingredients.
Aspirational, huh?
Sorry, but if you’re looking for gurulike proclamations about how to master every aspect of your life, including that disconcerting thing your hair is doing these days, you’re in the wrong place. The only things we’ll be crushing around here are all these espresso cans on my kitchen counter, and let’s be honest, we’re probably not gonna do that either. Your hair looks fine by the way. Don’t worry about it.
What you’ll actually find here are my candid takes on accepting who you are, making things that matter, and not punishing yourself for being imperfect. Perfect people are the worst and literally nobody likes them, so you can go ahead and cross that one off the old to-do list.
I split everything into a few distinct categories so you can find what you’re after:
ROGUE is about life as a rule-breaker and misfit.
I was nearly kicked out of school, actually kicked out of college, and fired more than once. Should I admit all that publicly? Probably not, but it’s not like anyone can stop me. Not even myself. Point is, some of us just don’t fit into the slots people try to jam us into. Nobody ever expected much from me, and yet here I am, running my own business and eating cake for breakfast. No one’s gonna stop me doing that either. How about you?
Includes things like:
Stories and misadventures from my own life
Explorations into unconventional choices
What it means to be who you really are
How to stop caring about crap that doesn’t matter
How to be more confident and less apologetic
Why I was fired? Maybe I’ll tell you some day
‘I love your intolerance for all things bullshit. Thanks for being alive and dishing out your good shit. Fan for life.’ – Suzanne
VOX is about work as a writer and creator.
Making stuff is hard. Making stuff you don’t hate is even harder. Putting stuff you make out into the world where anyone can see it is the final boss. And not letting criticism destroy you is the hidden superboss you can only unlock after 54 sidequests. Did I go too hard on that analogy? Whoops. My dorkness reveals itself unduly early. Anyway. Making stuff is hard but worth it. Let’s discuss.
Includes things like:
My own successes and failures as a writer
Creative experiments and challenges
Practical advice on how to write better
Deep dives into why we do what we do
How to find and hone your artistic voice
How to make your mind (and desk) a more fun place to be
‘I’m trying too hard to sound cool in this email because holy shit, you are just so cool. Your advice is the most realistic, empathetic, actionable and actually hilarious stuff.’ – Ada
GLITCH is my junk drawer of inspiration.
God, wouldn’t life be boring if art didn’t exist? What would you even do in your free time? What would you talk about with your friends? How would you assert your superiority over people who think Demon Slayer is good? The things we consume affect the things we create, and this is where I digest and examine my own brainfood. Did I make that sound weird? Well, I’m just getting started. Coming?
Includes things like:
Unnecessarily deep thoughts about nerdy pop culture
Analyses and critiques of media I like and don’t like
Incendiary takes on zeitgeisty phenomena
Reviews of crap from 12 years ago
Reviews of crap from 12 hours ago
Long lists of things I think are cool
‘You’re flippant, funny, and totally awesome.’ – Amy
AFTER DARK is where we chill out and catch up.
Late at night, my inhibitions vacate the area and I share intimate slices of my life, like what I’ve been up to, stuff I’ve been working on, and things I’ve been mulling over, plus some cool shit to check out. Put your phone on dark mode, turn up the synthwave, and let’s hang out. (For paid subscribers only.)
‘You talk to me like a friend, not a high and mighty perfect expert, and I look forward to reading about what you’ve been up to, the good and the bad.’ – Anon
GIMME YOUR MONEY, or not. Whatever.
Clattermouth is a mixture of lighter public content, and deeper, more personal stuff for paying subscribers. If you part with some cash, you’ll get access to, well, all of it. That’s generally how that works. You’ll also get some other bonuses, like discounts and early access to my courses.
There’s no strategy to what goes out when (whaddaya think I am, some kinda marketing expert?) but usually something will go out somewhere at least a couple of times a week. You can choose what gets emailed directly to your inbox. I’ll tell you how when you sign up. Speaking of:
‘You actually talk about being human. We’re always told our professional appearance should be more buttoned-up. Which means no swearing, no talking about the meaning of life and definitely no admitting to staying in your pyjamas all day.’ – Anon
Wait, you’re still here? Read these then 👇
‘Something about Kaz’s personality makes me NOT stop reading.’ – Azelle
‘I love to read and feel what you’re going through as a professional writer. It’s no fairytales and other crap about how beautiful and easy everything is.’ – Anon
‘Thanks for consistently putting good shit in my inbox. You are literally the only newsletter type thing I read all the way to the end every time.’ – Sarah
‘I just had to tell you that I love reading your emails! I love your honest voice and always find something to think about from you.’ – Rajashree
‘I love your emails! They’re entertaining and include useful stuff I actually want to read. So it’s the only one out of all the emails I’m signed up to that I actually look forward to opening.’ – Dawn
‘You’re awesome, Kaz. I love your emails and admire your vulnerability. I appreciate what you do!’ – Lindsey
‘You are one of the few newsletters I subscribe to and actually read because you are real, honest and share your personal struggles.’ – Anon
‘I LOVE getting your emails because they make me laugh, and they keep me updated on everything you have been up to.’ – Anon
‘Yes! Loving this! I didn’t realise how much I missed your newsletters. Great to see you back in my inbox. I just subscribed for more potty-mouthed insights.’ – Graeme
‘Just wanted to say how much I am enjoying Clattermouth. I previously was on your mailing list and always enjoyed your emails and the new list provides lots of food for thought. Keep up the good work!’ – Dave
‘Just wanted you to know that I’ve watched loads of slimy webinars and signed up for probably 40 email lists – you’re the first to get my real email address instead of my spam account in months. Looking forward to watching you be you and feeling inspired to just be me.’ – Michelle
‘Hi Kaz, I really needed this one today. Feeling overwhelmed by life, I was busily unsubscribing from email lists, and your words jumped out at me. Clearly I didn’t hit that unsubscribe link as I had planned to. You’re awesome and I just wanted to send a rare email (I almost never do) just saying for you to keep being you in all your honest and shit-kicking way. Thank you.’ – Rachel
‘Hi Kaz, I am just replying to this email because it was so engaging and brilliant. I'm your admirer from a distance. Thanks for writing! <3’ – Marta
